Good Sex, Bad Sex: The Sermon

I blogged a few days ago about resources to go along with the sermon "Good Sex, Bad Sex." The sermon is now available on vimeo and embedded below.

[benjamindurbin.com]

Tough Love 3 "Good Sex, Bad Sex" 09-12-10 from Roger Durbin on Vimeo.

Good Sex, Bad Sex: Recommended Resources

We studied 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:7 in a sermon titled "Good Sex, Bad Sex" at The Bridge on 9/12/2010. This post suggests recommended resources as a follow-up from the sermon. Many of these resources come recommended from the free resource we gave out to men, Sexual Detox by Tim Challies.

Sex
Undefiled - Harry Schaumburg writes about finding redemption from sexual sin and seeks to help couples find restoration for breaking or broken relationships.
False Intimacy - Also by Harry Schaumburg, this book looks to the struggle of sexual addiction, including homosexuality, cybersex and so on.
Sex and the Supremacy of Christ - This book, edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor, is the product of a Desiring God conference so is a compendium of conference talks and other useful essays or articles. It is a bit of a grab bag but there is lots of good stuff.
Intended for Pleasure - This is a nuts and bolts kind of book that is often given to newlyweds to help them get “oriented” in the bedroom. Most couples who aren’t given one before they get married end up trying to track one down during their honeymoon.
Sexual Redemption Bundle - Monergism Books has bundled a whole lot of resources into one “sexual redemption bundle” based around Harry Schaumburg’s Undefiled.

Marriage
This Momentary Marriage - John Piper puts a lot of effort into writing about the link between the union of husband and wife and the union of Christ to his church.
When Sinners Say ‘I Do’ - Dave Harvey’s book is a really good one for the newly married as it deals honestly with the inevitability of sin.
The Intimate Marriage - R.C. Sproul focuses on communication as key to a great marriage. His chapter on Communication and Sex deals with unusual topics like frigidity, impotence and what is permissible within marriage.
Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis has only a couple of chapters dealing with sex and marriage but they are top-notch. You’ve probably got the book somewhere, so pull it out and read those chapters.
A Biblical Guide to Love, Sex and Marriage - Derek and Rosemary Thomas wrote this book on sex and marriage based on Song of Solomon.
Love that Lasts - Gary and Betsy Ricucci cover a wide range of marriage-related topics in this book.

Men
Sex Is Not the Problem, Lust Is - This book, by Josh Harris, is great reading for any man, married or single.
Sex, Romance and the Glory of God - C.J. Mahaney does a good job of challenging men to be godly husbands. The enduring wisdom here is never to touch your wife’s body until you’ve touched her heart and her mind.
Porn Again Christian - Mark Driscoll offers a frank discussion on porn and masturbation. MA-17

Women
Feminine Appeal - Carolyn Mahaney writes a book for women in which she challenges them on a host of issues related to love, sex and marriage.
Becoming the Woman of His Dreams -This one by Sharon Jaynes comes highly recommended.

Web Sites
CCEF - Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation offers counseling and excellent resources on any number of issues (including the New Growth Press).
Boundless - Targeted at Christian singles and young adults, Boundless features all kinds of great resources in their blog and webzine.
Stone Gate Resources - At Stone Gate Resources offers Brief Intensive Counseling for couples who are in need of intensive and immediate help. If your marriage is on the rocks due to sex-related issues, this is a good place to seek help.

Sermons
How to deal with the guilt of sexual failure for the glory of Christ and His global cause - John Piper
Purity series by Joshua Harris
- God's good plan for sex
- Resisting Lust
- Husband and Wife **must listen
Using Sex as a Weapon by Darrin Patrick

Date Night Tips
Date night tips for Married couples by Mark Driscoll

Marriage Conference
What Did You Expect? - A marriage conference with Paul Trip Oct. 1 & 2 on redeeming the realities of marriage. It won't take long for you to realize that your marriage hasn't escaped the reality of sin or the brokenness of the world. It's what you do next that will make all the difference in the world in the character and quality of your marriage.
Weekend to Remember - Becky and I attended one of these early on in our marriage. It was pretty good.

Good Sex, Bad Sex

God created sex to be a beautiful and essential ingredient in marriage, but sexual sin---sex outside the marriage relationship--always hurts someone. It hurts God because it shows that we prefer following our own desires instead of the leading of the Holy Spirit. It hurts others because it violates the commitment necessary to a relationship. Sexual temptations are difficult to withstand because they appeal to the normal and natural desires that God has given us. Marriage provides God's way to satisfy these natural sexual desires and to strengthen the partners against temptation.

Satan’s plan is that people would have as much sex outside of the marriage relationship and as little within the marriage relationship as is possible. His plan is to mask, to hide, the true purpose of sex behind the pleasure it brings simply as a physical act. It is a clever plan that has proven effective time and time again. But, there’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.’ Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’

Join us this week for the riskiest sermon I may ever preach. I'll see you at 9:00 or 10:45 for "Good Sex, Bad Sex." Read ahead in 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:7.

We are giving out two resources for married and single men this weekend. If you are a dude, don't miss.

Parents - view this warning from Roger Durbin on Vimeo.

Current Reading List

My current reading list has slowed down since coming back from Haiti. Here is what I have been reading.

• Radical by David Platt
  
• The First Epistle to the Corinthians by Gordon Fee
  
• Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper
  
• 1 Corinthians (over and over again as we teach it at The Bridge)
  
• I use http://www.esvonline.org now for my daily bible reading plans.
  
• My grandfather gave me Zondervan's Handbook to the Bible and I have been reading overviews of the books periodically.
  
• We use The Jesus Storybook Bible for family devotions
  
• Becky and I just began using The Love Dare Day by Day: A Year of Devotions for Couples as well.

In two weeks my missional cell family starts the Radical study.

Vivian Janice Durbin - Eulogy

Vivian “Janice” Rogers Durbin was born on July 15, 1933, in Mine La Motte, MO to Lloyd Glenwood and Blanche Elizabeth (Scott) Rogers. Janice was the oldest of three children. Janice accepted Christ as her personal Savior and was baptized at the age of 7 in the little creek in Mine La Motte. Janice graduated from school in 1951 and was the valedictorian of her class. Janice grew up with a love for singing, and joined the Rogers Quartet at the age of 13. She met her husband, Elmer “Lloyd” Durbin when he joined the Rogers Quartet. Janice and Lloyd were united in marriage on December 4, 1952 and were blessed with fifty-seven years of marriage. Janice and Lloyd had two children. Roger Dale was born in 1956 and Mary Elizabeth “Beth” was born in 1964.

Janice held a few jobs such as bookkeeper, secretary, and store clerk, but made taking care of her family and fulfilling the role of “minister’s wife” her career. Lloyd referred to her as his “spiritual director”. Janice also made time to squeeze in the roles of “singer” and “piano teacher”. Beginning in 1961, Janice served as the “minister’s wife” to many church congregations: Mill Creek Free Will Baptist Church for 21 years (two different times), O’Fallon Free Will Baptist Church for 1 year, Mine La Motte Free Will Baptist Church for 15 years (two different times), and most recently, First Free Will Baptist Church of Fredericktown for 5 years. Janice traveled across Missouri and the surrounding states for over 50 years singing the gospel first with the Rogers Quartet and later with The Durbin Family. Throughout her lifetime, Janice taught dozens of men and women to play the piano and served the Lord faithfully through many other positions such as Sunday School teacher, church pianist, church camp counselor, church camp teacher, and Vacation Bible School teacher. Janice was a member of First Free Will Baptist Church of Fredericktown.

Janice passed away on July 23, 2010, at the age of 77 years at St. Clare Hospital in Fenton, MO. She is preceded in death by her parents, and one daughter, Mary Elizabeth Durbin Standley. Janice is survived by her husband, Lloyd, one son, Roger (Tamera) Durbin of Farmington, five grandchildren, Andrea (Rick) Pirtle of DeSoto, Rachel (Micah) Inman of Ironton, Benjamin (Becky) Durbin of Farmington, Seth (Amanda) Durbin of Park Hills, and Isaac Standley of Fredericktown. Janice is also survived by six great-grandchildren, Trevor and Taylor Pirtle, Nolan and Evan Inman, Brylee and Halle Durbin, and has one great grandchild (Addelynn Joy Durbin) who will arrive this September. Janice is also survived by one sister, Phyllis (Clyde) Berry of Bonne Terre, one brother, James “Jimmy” Rogers of Mine La Motte, Richard (Barb) Standley of California, and numerous nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends.

Janice always loved this poem by CT Studd :

“Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call, I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

Janice spent her lifetime serving God, knowing what’s done for Christ will last. She was a true example of what it looks like to surrender your whole life to Jesus. She leaves behind a legacy of ministers, ministers’ wives, Sunday School teachers, worship leaders, small group leaders, musicians, and a host of family and friends who will see Janice again in Heaven.

Vivian Janice Durbin

I have been hearing many terrific stories about grandma Janice and how her life impacted others. If you have a story to tell about her, our family would love to hear it. These can be serious or funny stories. Grandma left us this past Friday to be with Jesus, but her impact on us all remains.

Would you like to share a story? Here are some questions to help get you started. Share your story in the comment section below.

What about her life impacted you the most?
What was your favorite memory with Janice?
What did she teach you?
What about her made you laugh?
What was your favorite song to hear her sing?

Our family would like to thank everyone for the prayers, friendship, and food. And we look forward to reading your stories!

Haiti 2010

I had the privilege of traveling to Haiti early in July for a mission trip. Below is a picture video that captures our time there. We worked with Growing Hope for Haiti to begin constructing a community in Leogane, and we provided VBS to some local tent villages and orphanages. We are continuing our mission efforts in Haiti and are planning two trips in 2011. I will be blogging about our continued efforts in the future, but check out this video put together by Michael Goldsmith for now!

Haiti 2010 from Roger Durbin on Vimeo.